Cars are rolling body language. Whatever you arrive in tells people secrets about you before you even open your door. The same as a perfect swimsuit or a giant zit, your car is giving people a first impression. You may already know this. But some cars say the opposite of what their owner intends:

H2 Hummer:
The owner thinks it says: I’m rugged. I’m athletic & outdoors-y. Me and my big adult Tonka Truck are ready to pull you out of a snowdrift. And I can put the entire contents of an RV inside here plus my family. You’re jealous, admit it!
But the car tells everyone: The most rugged place the owner’s ever been is the Star-bucks across town. And they’re not athletic enough to actually get out and walk inside, no, no – that’s why they’re in the drive-thru. And the owner must have gone straight from a compact car to this H2, otherwise they’d know that most full-size sedans have more interior room than the Hummer… let alone other SUVs or Vans. The only thing we’re jealous of is the ability to drive without concern for the oil-rig you’re towing behind you!

Toyota Prius:
The owner thinks it says: I’m saving the planet. I care about consumption. I have an understanding of cars and driving that everyone else hasn’t realized. And driving this car will end war and bring our troops home cause we won’t need Middle Eastern Oil.
But the car tells everyone: You buy less fuel in a month than the rest of us. Congratulations. Half the diesel owners in Europe buy less fuel than you do. You believe what marketing tells you, not what reality shows you. You pass out copies of “An Inconvenient Truth” like it’s the Bible, but don’t know that most of our foreign oil comes from Canada or South America. And you wouldn’t know a great driving car if it hit you.

BMW 3-Series:
The owner thinks it says: I’ve arrived. I’m exclusive. Others look at me and see success.
But the car tells everyone: You’ve got no imagination. No thoughts of your own. You drive a great car, but don’t realize it’s become as common place as a Honda Accord. You’ve reached the first of many boring plateaus in the life of a worker bee. You’re a cog. But desperately concerned with what’s hip…. Latest watch on your wrist, iphone in your pocket, and the “in” half-caff-frappe-whatever in the cupholder. If everyone else wants it, you have to have it. Even if you’ve never heard of it. You haven’t arrived anywhere… you’ve been assimilated.

Huge-Pristine Pickups. (Generally with knobbies and a lift-kit)
The owner thinks it says: I’m a bad-ass. Don’t mess with me, cause I’ll crush you. Women crave me. I break people in half for fun. I’m the man you want to be.
But the car tells everyone: You’re short. Five-foot eight is like a giant to you. You’re on your way to the gym for the third time today cause having the extra inches on your arms might make up for the fact you can’t see over countertops. You’ve never actually been off-road… cause that might scuff the paint. And being outdoors frightens you.

There’s many, many more… this topic could go on a while. We now have Part II available… including picking on both Paul and Todd.
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