This topic has proven to be a popular one. Many of you agree that cars are saying things their owners never intended. And just like every mother thinking her child is beautiful, we all believe our car says great things about us. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way. If you missed our first discussion of this topic, you can find it HERE.

Now, let’s add to this list, and as promised, Paul and I are not immune.

Classic Sports Cars:
The owner thinks it says: I’ve got all the sex appeal of a guy in a Ferrari, but I’m smarter. My car was expensive when it was new, but now it’s dirt-cheap and can still turn heads! Be it a 60s muscle car, or an 80s/90s sports car *Cough-Todd-Cough*, like a fine wine me and my car get better with age. No one makes cars this cool anymore.
But the car tells everyone: You’re out of shape and out of touch. You somehow ignore the gut rolling over your belt just like you don’t notice all the squeaks and rattles of your old car. Maybe it’s your hearing going bad. You weren’t popular in high school, and owning a car that was cool then won’t make you popular now. Oh, and a Toyota Camry can do 0-60 as fast as your old car without the rip in the seats, the malfunctions, or the odd smell from the upholstery. You see, when you say something has “character”, it’s a nice way of saying old and difficult.

The PT Cruiser (and clone Chevy HHR):
The owner thinks it says: I’m retro. I’m quirky. I think other cars are boring. There has never been a car as cool as this one. People look at me at stoplights cause they know I’m having more fun than them!
But the car tells everyone: You don’t know that “retro” and “quirky” are marketing words meaning “outdated” and “poor”. You never knew that your car was designed after far larger and more useable vehicles from fifty years ago. And they aren’t made anymore because they were bad then! You should be stared at; because buying cars like this only encourages American companies to make more crap.

European Wagons:
The owner thinks it says: I know a secret. I can be crazy cause my car has European sports sedan handling. But I can be real, because it’s got fold-down seats and a wagon style hatch. In fact… it’s not a station wagon, it’s a sports wagon. *Cough-Paul-Cough* It’s called an “estate” in Europe, and who doesn’t want to say they own an estate!
But the car tells everyone: You like not having sex. You have a very busy schedule with things just “so”, and would rather not be disrupted. Fun is that thing other people do when you’re reorganizing something. And geography isn’t your friend because you haven’t realized you don’t actually live in Europe. Here, for better or worse, a station wagon is actually less cool than a mini-van… cause with the van at least we know the driver has accepted their castration.

The Porsche 911:
The owner thinks it says: I know cars. I have class. I have more money than you because I deserve it, and my 911 is as wonderful as I am.
But the car tells everyone: You’re just a 3 Series owner with a pay raise. (see part 1) You can spit out a list of other people who own a car just like yours, but haven’t noticed that makes you all the same. You defend the design with quips about “history” and “race-pedigree”, only to gaze longingly at designs from this century when you realize no one is looking at you.

Have a car you want to call out? Do it in the Forums